Monday, March 16, 2009

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Six Unremarkable Things About Me

I've been tagged in a blog chain mail! So it's now my sworn responsibility to reveal six utterly unremarkable things about myself. The only challenge is limiting it to six!

1. My favorite color is purple. One of my happiest decorating decisions ever was to paint my bedroom purple. Trust me; it's beautiful. No, really.

2. I name my cars. After a series of Kermits (see #3), I now proudly drive Ted the Tahoe.

3. I collect frogs. No, not real ones (although I did once have a pet toad...). The collection bug bit me when I got my first car: a 1979 Toyota Corolla Liftback in an almost-fluorescent shade of green and named him Kermit. The rest is history.

4. All my dogs have names that start with "M". This is currently not too obnoxious as I only have two dogs: Mallory and MacGuyver. But there was a time when I had Mallory, MacGuyver, Molli, Mugzi and (briefly) Meghan. There's also been a Murphy (the best dog ever, who started it all), a Madison, and a Monte. Good thing I don't have human children, huh?

5. My grandfather and I have the same birthday.

6. I have one limb that hasn't been broken in a riding accident. My left leg is all original equipment, unlike my right leg and both arms.

Yay! All done. Now I'm off to spread the joy to six other bloggers.

Oh, and I was tagged by: tcandthemuse so go check out her list.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

six word memoir

My friend Dorlana challenged me to write a six-word memoir. For what it's worth, here it is:

Achievement, then breakdown – recovery. Finally, happiness.


Here are the rules if I tagged you.

1. Write your own six word memoir.
2. Post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like.
3. Link to the person that tagged you in your post.
4. Tag five more blogs with links.
5. And don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play!

I was tagged by Dorlana at Supernatural Fairy Tales.
I tag ????, ????, ????, ????, ???? (Give me time, I have to figure this part out!)

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Inside A Writer

I have nothing to say, my brain tells me.
It’s not good enough, says my inner editor.
You’re too busy, my conscience adds.
I can't write.

You have work to do, my boss tells me.
Your vocabulary is appalling, says my childhood teacher.
We will starve soon, my children add.
I can't write.

I have no stories today, my muse tells me.
It’s not like you can, says my nightmare voice.
You’re just playing, my work ethic adds.
I can't write.

You have words inside, my soul tells me.
You must get them out or go crazy, says my sanity.
We will help you, my angels add.
So I write.

Saturday, March 31, 2007

The Fish

I hate the damn fish.
The fish have been a sore spot since the beginning. They’re brainless, eating, pooping and useless. The tank stinks, even though he cleans it, and don’t get me started on that disgusting process of sucking up fish poop. I try not to be in the house.
The fish aren’t even pretty. I’ve seen aquariums; god knows, after being dragged to dozens of fish stores, I’ve seen aquariums. Some fish are pretty with lovely colors and flowing fins. But those aren’t the ones he has. Out of some perverse desire to annoy me, or possibly just out of bad taste, he picked fish that are mud-colored without a flowing fin among them.
The fish have names – both technical names and “here fishy, fishy” names – but I haven’t paid attention. Calling a fish Sam or Bob or Precious seems to me indicative of brain damage. It’s even worse than naming a cat. The cat probably won’t come when you call it, but at least it might give you a dirty look. Fish aren’t even capable of giving dirty looks. If they were, I’d know it.
The fish aren’t totally useless, though. For years, when he pissed me off, I poured the dregs of my morning coffee into the tank. Once caffeinated, the fish are still brown and ugly, but at least they flounder around entertainingly. After about an hour, though, they get particularly lethargic, even for fish. He’s tried in vain to diagnose this mysterious fish illness, even calling a fish pharmaceutical company to discuss “hole in the head” disease.
The fish caused the final fight this morning. He told me they’ve outgrown their tank, so he’s getting another one – a bigger one. But instead of just replacing the current tank, he plans to split the fish so we’ll have not one but two stinking eyesores. At first I was incensed. If he thought I would put up with two of the damn things, the fish weren’t the only ones with holes in
their heads. We argued about it for awhile, and I threw a few things, but it was a losing battle. Since I couldn’t win, I pretended to go along with his plan, only grumbling enough for him not to get suspicious. I had a plan of my own.
The fish had to die. After he left for work, I got out an old clock radio, plugged it in next to the fish tank then held it in front of them. That’s how I know fish can’t give dirty looks. After giving them a moment to prepare, I ceremoniously dropped the radio into the tank. I even hummed taps, for atmosphere. When the radio hit the water, I was hoping for sparks, but nothing seemed to happen. Nothing, that is, until one by one the fish started to float. I almost felt bad, seeing all the floating, scaly bodies with their still mouths and cloudy eyes. Then I remembered…
I hate the damn fish.
This little short story has been very surprising. I wrote it in about 30 minutes on a whim one afternoon, then took it to my writers' group, and they all loved it. They loved it enough that I decided to enter it in a mini short story contest, which required me to cut it down from its original 779 words to its current 499. Although I wasn't convinced the new shortened version was as good as the original, I entered it anyway, and it won FIRST PLACE!! I actually made $25 on this cute little story. Now, on the strength of that win, I'm entering it in a ByLine Magazine contest. We'll see how it does...